whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
