oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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