well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
