If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
