bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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