why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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