I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
