so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm at about main and main street
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
