I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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