Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
