everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
