I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
