so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
