idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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