Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
