hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
