I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
