If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
