Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
