I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i think i just lost a toe
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
