No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
