you guys were way drunker than both of me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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