too bad you live with your parents still
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
