i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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