On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
