im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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