Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
