i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
