I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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