my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
