I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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