how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
