Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize