What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
