come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
