i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
