she was so not down for the gang bang
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
