did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize