Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
