Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We don't watch enough power rangers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
