i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
