I will die if light touches me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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