I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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