I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
