R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
