I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
