Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
