O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
