what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
