dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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