Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
