I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
