i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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