aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
