Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
