There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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