So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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