Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
