i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
