id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
