It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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