You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
