You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize