so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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