I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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