So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
