u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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