You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
