By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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