I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize