i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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