I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
