I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
