Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
