I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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