it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize