dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But theres a keg here and me gusta
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
