I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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