Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
