I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
