your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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