Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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