the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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