Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
