Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
